I've been having a hard time lately, and this accumulated into today's self-reflection. The following post is pretty personal and discusses mental health.
As the days get shorter I find myself getting exhausted. Sure... I wake up, go to class, talk to friends and peers, go to meetings and appointments, and do my homework. But as soon as I've fulfilled my responsibilities and get home I just want to curl up in bed and sleep until the next day - it doesn't matter if it's 9pm or 3pm. And this is the cause for a lot of self-bullying. Why are you stressed out? I say to myself You're not the only person to take a full course load and sit on a board of directors. Other people do all that and more. You don't even have a job! ...I sure know how to hit myself where it hurts. The idea that we are our own worst critics is tossed around a lot, and I've certainly found it to be true.
I am way too hard on myself. It's okay to have your own personal standards, but I should know not to compare myself with others. Not all abilities are the same. I'm constantly plagued by the notion that my mental health issues will render me useless, and I create ridiculously high standards for myself to try to combat that. I'm not being fair to myself.
Me three years ago (at age 16)
Three years ago I literally could not get out of bed. The entire concept of "responsibilities" would have filled me with panic. I had quit going to school entirely and was making the decision of should I drop out, or should I let them kick me out? Days bled into weeks and my memories can only be described as a blur of utter despair.
When this realization came to me this afternoon, my feeling of self-deprecation quickly faded. I was pleasantly surprised to realize the positive changes I've made since then. In fact, I'm astounded by how far I've come in the past three years! My mental health issues are still a part of my life, but the longer I've had to deal with them the better I've got it.
This post has been spontaneous and sincere, so I'd hate to end with something trite. Let me just say that I will try harder to recognize my successes, and be (much) less hard on myself. And, as always, if you ever need to support with regards to mental health issues, feel free to email me.